'The Independent | Careers Advice'

I'm still in the early stages of The Job Hunt. These stages are known as "researching" and require close attention, great skill and lots of time. Yesterday, I decided to follow The Independent's 'Careers Advice', a nice shiny section underneath the Student tab on the website.

Well, I would like to thank The Independent for their comprehensive A-Z Careers. For those taking a look at 'C', you're faced with the two options of 'Chemical engineering' and 'Cruise staff'. 'R' can only boast the one career of 'Recovery driver', and 'Windscreen technician' looks lonely on the 'W' page. In fact, the only career that took my fancy from this A-Z (that's the whole alphabet of careers!) is listed solitarily on the 'O' page: 'Offshore helicopter pilot'.

The related article then tells me how this is the only sector that's in a period of growth. Growth! That's the sort of sector I need to be in in a recession! It's also an industry that is attracting younger applicants, and, most importantly, an increasing amount of females. You get to fly oil workers out to "the far northern rigs", so you'd practically be working in the oil industry. That's full of money! 

Of course, all that I've really learnt from this is how to waste time on the internet. Which, as well all know, is what "researching" really is.

Edit: I have now fallen into the Google trap. I've got 60,400 links to go through that are related to 'offshore helicopter pilot'. The 7th link takes me to www.helicoptercrashes.com. Maybe, just maybe, this career isn't really for me. 

When I Grow Up

The first step on my quest for full time employment took me to the University careers office (which happens to be in the old doctor's surgery, a building that has never filled me with joy or optimism). Expecting a dismal outlook and blank job notice boards, I was faced with the ultimate 'don't ever ask me this' encouraging question: What do you want to be when you grow up?

This is a question that requires hope, determination and, most importantly, imagination. The answer must be strong and ambitious, preferably referring to saving the world or building robots. Saying 'an office junior' or 'a stay-at-home Mum' isn't ideal, no, they want astronauts and scientists and entrepreneurs. "Something to do with books?" was my response, hesitant and scared, feeling ridiculous for suggesting something actually related to my degree.

It went down well. We looked on websites. We went through leaflets on routes into the publishing industry. We discussed sweet talking receptionists to gain information about companies. We, naturally, came up with no helpful answer.

My homework is to create a CV. CVs are the perfect opportunity to win over potential employers. You're actively encouraged to boast about the skills that you have gained over the years and lie about your interest in classic Hollywood movies. This is my chance to shine! I have a Grade I certificate in Jazz Ballet (awarded after a touching dance impersonating a wave), have had artwork displayed in the Tate Gallery in St. Ives (admittedly so did every other primary school in Devon) and can play the clarinet (no Grades to boast about there though). This is my sure-fire route into the tough, cruel world of publishing. It won't matter that I can't afford to undertake unpaid work experience. My interests list of 'magazines from the 80s, Gilmore Girls and strong coffee' shows my extraordinary ability to waste time and live in decades gone by. These are the vital skills needed for a grown up job with books and will, almost certainly, guarantee me an exciting new job.

Or perhaps, and most likely, it will take me all the way back to step one. The front step of the careers office. My old friend.